Every Breath You Take

[ev-ree breth yoo teyk]: This is one of the most misinterpreted songs ever. It is about an obsessive stalker, but it sounds like a love song. Some people even used it as their wedding song. The Police frontman Sting wrote it after separating from his first wife, Frances Tomelty.

Voyeur. That is what I do for a living. I cannot say I really feel pleasure in the pain of other, but I see people in pain everyday. I wtch them from cameras up above and see them live everyday, doing like they Always do. Nothing.

Sometimes they walk up and down the corridor in circles for some unknown reason. They pace the floors in Groups of 2 and 2. I don’t know what they have to talk about for 6 hours a day, but for some reason they do it.

I Watch them in the gym, pumping iron. Using Machines. Those good old free weights are not allowed here. They might get too big or hit someone in the head with them. So they instead train like rabbits all over.

“They do that all wrong,” my coworkers can say while looking at the from up above.

We also Watch volleyball in the gymnasium.

“Look at them, they cannot play!” we say while drinking our coffee.

Now I am getting a break from that. I get to sit on the couch/bed and write. I get to listen to the sounds of Disney Junior in the background while my daughter is building her Lego Friends Mountainside Resort.

“Come here Mom look at this… it is really cool” she says while pushing a lego plastic figure down a mountain of lego snow.

We have played Play-Doh and I have pissed her off because she did not clean the white out of the machine and it mixed with the brown in the ice cream machine. She is pissed the plastic toy does not work like on the TV and is silently cursing Santa Claus for such a raw deal.

If I could only remind her that all the Play-Doh toys have ben a disappointment, maybe she would get the hint not to ask for them.

In other words, we are having a very lazy day. Mom has a headache and Daughter has toys so she can play and I… can finally enjoy being off of work for a week.

Now my wife has to wok… crisis at work. Have to fix things before the New Year. Her days are more action packed than mine… I watch people, she works with strange computer things and gets paid a lot more money than i do.

I don’t get paid shit compared to her, plus someone off the street can come into a place where I work, no experience, no education and make 200 dollars a month more than me.

People say they should spend more money on us that have been there forever, but as they said in the army when someone got married and had a kid; “You are a lifer”. A lifer.

We are the lifers. We are comfortable an too lazy to look for something new, or we need the schedules we can plan and the 7 week vacations that the federal government has to offer. We are better than the post office.

Those new people they invest in without logic to get their stats up, try to make our job higher status. Try to make it look like we are more than we are.

When I finished my school for my job, I got a pat on the back, a sandwich and an assignment on the other side of the city… taking me on trains at 4.30 in the morning on the weekends.

They get a pay raise of several hundred dollars a month, and then they sadly make more than me.

I am not so popular so I always get tied for the lowest pay raise in my group. The other being a guy that has worked almost 30 years and is retiring next year.

We both do extra jobs, we both get the lowest pay raise. And we are talking about fighting over 60 dollars.

I wish I could just quit a few months and then come back. Someone did that, we had the same pay (which in my eyes was already crazy considering how much longer I have worked there) and now they make almost 100 dollars more a month than I do.

It doesn’t seem like much, but their is a principle to it.

I did not come off the streets. I have worked for 5 years as a Military Police. I have been stationed in Japan, played in the dirt in Texas, worked in Germany and then even spent sometime in Bosnia.

I have gone to the University on a scholarship and made the deans list.  I studied more while working full time in the military.

And now, I study more. I study in my free time Swedish. Not like study for myself, but in a school. My last class I got an A.

I really am the bomb, but I get paid like a bullet.

We all get paid like bullets and there are many bombs, but even in our line of work it is no walk in the park to make ends meat.

I don’t get how people survive so well on the money we make. Ok I have three kids to feed half the time, but I am still living in the living room with my daughter. I have a car, we pay insurance, gas, food for over 1500 dollars a month. So I for the life cannot understand how people can buy nicer cars, have houses, go on trips (my last one was in 2011 for a swimming competition in the Netherlands) that is of course if you do not count the trips on the Finland boat for my daughter.

So… I would love someone to explain how all of this happens to people , yet I am living in a 2 bedroom apartment in the living room (The boys each have their own rooms) with my soon 7 year old daughter.

I like the perspective that families of 7 living in a one bedroom apartment are totally normal. BUT not in Sweden, and not when two people (one of them makes a third more than me) have steady incomes.

So that one or two hundred dollars they give that new guy could help a gal like me a lot. It really could help a lot. Especially when they do not have the experience, education or time in the job that I do.

Bullets and bombs. Bullets and Bombs.

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