Land Of Confusion

[land ov kuhn-fyoo-zhuhn]: A rare political song for Genesis, “Land of Confusion” questions the wisdom of world leaders at a time when the US and Russia were enemies and there was a threat of nuclear war. Phil Collins called it, “A political song about the mess we have landed in.”

 

The House That God Has Forgotten Part 22: Fighting your enemies

I heard a rumour in The House That God Has Forgotten about two weeks ago. There was a fight, and some people got sent away. Not inmates fighting with each other, not a guard fighting with a guard, but two guards fighting with each other.

Which even The House That God Has Forgotten blows my mind.  I am not saying that we should be listening to rumours or anything. That is bad, mind you how much I have the temptation to write about all of the gossip I know that goes around I am not going to. I have a job, and fine thank you, even with this blog I am on thin ice sometimes.

I cannot, if this is true fathom how it is possible. Even when I was in the army; a violence charged profession with a ton of rednecks and white trash had weapons, was there never a fight where someone got sent home.

“Hey go put your guns away and go home,” was never a phrase I heard after 5 whole years of working there. People hated each other, but they pretended to be nice. I guess the thought you might be going to war with someone makes you think twice before taking it so long that you need to get sent home over it.

I am not going to sit here and lie to you and say that I have loved everyone in The House That God Has Forgotten. I have silently prayed that they have a nervous breakdown and need to go away. Which of course they never do. They live on this boundary where it can be functional, but still torture me.

I have wished that people had the day off or were sick that day I was working. I did not have to hear about how the coffee is never full (which I really do not give a shit about, I drink tea so fuck you. I am not making your coffee.) Or how as soon as someone leaves the room you will hear them telling you how this person is lazy, or a bad colleague. All it can do is always make me wonder:

“What do they say about me when I am not there?” is what I think about when I would leave the room. Who deserves with that paranoia over their heads?

There are people in The House That God Has Forgotten that I feel like my brain is going to explode when I have to work at promenade with.

The compulsive liar that tells everyone that he was a bouncer in the United States for three years and saved over 300 thousand dollars. How he was with United Nations and even after that worked as a mercenary. His job up there is to not do anything but annoy the hell out of every single operator I work with. We cringe when we know he is up there. People fight over who is not going to have to be up there with him in the morning.

The guy that is doing nothing right, but thinks he is and is arrogant about it. He makes our head explode too. It is one thing to be clueless, but when someone tries to help you not be clueless and they yell at you, well… they are on my list.

So yeah, those are a few of the people I think are real pains in the ass that I have to deal with in The House That God Has Forgotten, but I have never got sent home over it.

Let’s be honest… The House That God Has Forgotten has racists among you. White against this or that, others against white, east vs west, etc. People talking about you in your face “How do you feel about your stupid president?” (That stopped because I told everyone I did not want to hear it anymore). But I am just a very small part of the whole thing, I am white, I come from a western country with a culture that Swedish people are surrounded by. So a few comments from people about my government are harmless.

It is when the other languages come around. Two people in a corner when I am there, in their mumbled voices saying somethings I have no idea what they are.

That makes me nervous. Not only because it is generally rude, but because it makes me feel… well left out, always wondering: “Is it me they are talking about?”

Or when comments go around about someones race, and how all people of that same background, “clog up the drains in the showers”.

I feel like an asshole because I do not like everyone I work with. I guess it is human not to love everyone out of a hundred-person group of people.

I am not going to lie to you, my illness has affected my reactions with others. Until I got put on anti-paranoia (which I suffer highly from) I thought people were out to get me. I would go into my boss and ask for vacation to avoid them. I would walk up to people and ask them if they hated me. I was a wreck.

I have been sent home from The House That God Has Forgotten before. Not for fighting. I did not realise it, but kind of felt like things were not right. I couldn’t find the bus, or it would take me forever to get there (thank God I did not have a car then). I would call my wife confused asking her to take me to the bus stop. She tells me she tried to get me to stay at home, but I refused.

How do you force a grown woman to stay at home from work?

I assume I went to work and was just as bad, but I felt like everything was ok. The only thing I remember was that I was really cold all the time. My co workers probably have a different tale to tell you, the only thing I can gather was that they did not know what to do…

How do you tell someone your co-worker is acting strange and go to your boss about it?

Eventually the word got through. My boss at the time called me up to the administration floor and told me he is sending me home. He offered to give me a ride, but I took the buss.

When I got home I called the hospital to get an appointment with the on-call psychiatrist at the hospital.

“Stop taking your medicines tonight and we will meet tomorrow.”

The next morning, I was fine. It turned out that my doctor gave me to high of a dose of something me brain hated, big time. I refused to ever take it again. Now I am fine.

So I feel you, those of you that have been sent home in The House That God Has Forgotten. I feel embarrassed to this day even though I know it wasn’t my fault.

So when it is yours, it must feel like hell.

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