[wurds]: The visual effects used in the music video for “Words” were unusual for the time, making it popular on the fledgling cable TV channel MTV.

 

The House That God Has Forgotten Part 30: The urban dictionary.

“They are in the cone” is a phrase that gets thrown around where I work.

“Coning”

“En conare har ingen polare”

“He’s in the cone”

All of these words and phrases are used every day in the control center. It is the only thing I learned during the 6 months I spent at correctional officers training.

The stress cone. The stress cone looks like a giant ice cream cone. At the top of the cone all is well in the world, you are calm. In the bottom, well… you are coning.

And I have seen you all do it.

That day you have 10 people that are coming into the jail. The day you have 2 short on the floor. Or that time you forgot to go down with the trash and you get off at work in 5 minutes.

Yes… you cone. VB’s cone when the phone rings too much. LC’s cone when it is an alarm.

There is no way you hide from that little cone we talk about.

But what about the other phrases and words we use at The House That God Has Forgotten. Here is a little dictionary I have compiled that should be given out to every single new person that starts there journey in The House That God Has Forgotten.

APT: A senseless meeting where everyone talks about nothing and nothing ever gets done. It is supposed to be for vårdare to discuss things on their own, but a kvinsp always shoes up to ruin that with there “I will take that with me” and no reasonable decisions are made..

Besök: A place where inmates visit their lawyers, the priests and even loved ones. The best advice I can give is never sit on the blue sofas. Use your imagination. Guess what they are used for. You can usually see the spots on them.

BC: A room. Usually with a ton of cameras and people watching you cone all the time. Lots of gossip here.

Coffee or Tea?: This is something you have to ask by every cell in the morning, or keep track of on the gem floors. It makes you feel like an airline stewardess, but the only thing missing is the uniform and the greeting when you come on to the floor. Wait.. I take that back, you do greet them when they come on the floor, but just not when they get their food. Watch out for sugar. It has been known that inmates will fight over it.

Door: These are annoying to get into, and a lot of the time they do not work, or you wait to go into them sometimes what feels like forever.

Elevator: You stand by these all day and wait to go somewhere. Sometimes a few seconds other times minutes (see food cart and trash duty).

Food Carts: These you hate because they have food on them you have to give to inmates. You either have to take them in little cardboard boxes to restrictions floors, or on the gemensamt you have to watch 24 people eat out of them and not fight over how much food they get. With these, you normally spend around 5 minutes in front of an elevator waiting to get rid of them. 5 boring minutes where you watch the numbers of floors longing for it to be your turn.

Fridays Fika: Some else you get excited about, but it is never as good as you think it is. Usually consists of chocolate balls, dried cinnamon rolls or flavourless muffins. Every Friday you fall for it and get excited, but the only highlight is if you get a carton of laktosfri milk with it.

Frivårdare: In other words the sweater maffia. Usually seen in slightly bohemian clothes and they enjoy better fika and have many meetings on the 3rd floor about god knows what. You never see them eating lunch and you do not know them except by “The guy with the long hair” or “That woman who wears too much jewellery”

Fruit day: This is the anti-climax of the weekly fruit. Everyone gets excited about it, but it is never what you think it is going to be. It is filled with pears (that no one ever eats) and bananas (that everyone eats and there are never any left when you want). You are fiercely overprotective of the fruit even though it is shit, because well.. it is your bad fruit and you are not going to share it.

Gem: This is where you sit in a chair for hours and have to listen to 50 questions, listen to drama and have to watch that 24 men do night fight about some bullshit that happens on their floor.

Green tour: This is where you get sent to other floors that have holes in their väktlistan, that is unless your floor has holes in it (which usually it does).

Klienthandläggare: Often see with a bunch of papers in their hands running up and down the elevator to the 4th floor from their office. They speak an odd language about different things like “beslut” and “förklaring” at the end of them.

KUST: The magical place they send people to school to learn how to be a prison guard. They normally will already be making much more money than you do, even though they have not done as much as you have.

Kvinsp: This is a person you never see and when you try to get in touch with them they do not answer their phone. A kvinsp lives on the 4th floor and has meetings about meetings that never result in anything but more meetings. If you are a real explorer you can sometimes see them sitting at a table together eating lunch and probably talking about meetings. A little tip. Get the number (the 070 number) to their telephone and send them an sms, it is the best way to get in touch with them.

KVC: This is the boss of the whole jail. The warden. They are seen sometimes and sometimes not for days. These you never try calling, and have awkward conversations with in the elevator. They go to meetings a lot, sometimes in uniform, other times in their normal clothes that are much fancier than kvinsp clothes. You will not see them eating lunch anywhere. I don’t think they eat lunch.

Inskrivning: Cone central. Usually a place where you see people moving in and out all over the place and vårdare with exhausted looks in their eyes. Want the day to go by quickly? Work here on a Friday.

Morning meeting: This is something you have every morning to discuss things. Usually half of the people want it to end, the other half quietly listen while drinking coffee.

OBS: Located on a tiny little part of a corridor on the 5th floor. Used for inmates who are generally have been in a fight or destroy their rooms, or generate chaos in the rest of The House That God Has Forgotten.

PA: A room with frustrated individuals who are trying to fill all the holes in the vaktlistan.

Promenade: Concrete and cold squares that prisoners walk in for either 1 hour or 30 minutes, but they usually end up sitting there longer. They will complain it is cold (even though you told them it was -10 out) or they will say they have to go to the bathroom (even though they had the chance before they went up. I usually say; “If you are going to go in a car somewhere you usually take a piss before you go”, but this logic seems to not apply. Sometimes if you are lucky and want some entertainment you will catch someone pissing or shitting up there in the cameras.

Restrictions: Usually where they are supposed to not talk to each other, but we all know they do all night and up at promenade. It is a lot of running between showers, and gyms and fixing it so that two people can sit in a room together. Watch out. One person has caught them having oral sex, so you never know what will happen. Make sure to knock first.

Self Defence: This is where you yell at each other to back up. You hit each other and also learn how to use handcuffs.

Sommarvik: Long lost college students that usually study law, or social work. Naive and usually cause general chaos over the summer. People that work the 1st period of summer usually experience total dread because they will have to teach them everything.

Sport hall: This is where you watch inmates play volleyball (badly), basketball (badly), or ping pong (badly). They say it breaks isolation, but it just really showcases how bad most people are at sports in general. A tour of duty most people hate, and hope for not having it that day.

Taticlistan: Something you read every day, but if it does not apply to your floor, you have no idea who you are talking about.

The 8th floor: The one place that most people have the look of terror in their eyes if they would be forced to work there. Kids 21 and under. Need I say more?

Thermos: These metal silver nightmares are something you have to fill with extremely hot water every morning and evening and you will never want to see in your private life. Just the thought of filling up them before going out somewhere with your family makes you cringe because you have to fill them up every day at work.

Translate: This is something you do for free. That is if you come from another country and are cursed to know another language. You made a BIG mistake when you put that on your job application. You should have lied because you are now going to have the same conversation over and over again every day. When you get called to translate you will almost have no one to take your place and your colleagues will be forced to work without someone they need to keep things working on the floor you left to translate.

Trash Duty: This is when you send the garbage down to the first floor. You have to wait until all of the food carts have gone down to “not containment” them, but they still go up and down in an elevator that has trash in it so it makes no point (typical House That God Has Forgotten). You will often be stuck in this elevator with trash cans or the person running the elevator will forget what floor you are on. Yes there is a line to this one, so you will have to wait 5 minutes again.

Väktlistan: Something that never reflects reality. Usually seen with a couple of blank spots because you are short of people and do not know where you will get one.

Vårdare: This is you. Usually seen in blue and black shoes (sneakers or boots). Usually seen in groups (normally with people on your floor) you are normally not so happy to be there (You wish you had a job that paid more) and you hate meetings (why not? Your APT is hijacked by your kvinsp) and you usually need coffee to get through your day.

Wash day: This is the day you bring down two gigantic carts with wash down the first floor. Usually you do not have to wait so long for the elevator, but if you forget to do it… you are screwed for the next week. Then you will have no new clothes on your floor. Remember! It is important that all the clothes are DRY because it could cost more money if they are wet.

Working at the absolute minimum: Something you are all too familiar with. This means that there are no extra persons working on the floor and you have to stretch out your resources to an absolute full capacity, think having 20 kr and trying to feed a family of 5 dinner.

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