[hahrt ov glas]: The video for this song showed the band performing it in an empty discotheque, and was very popular, thanks to the many close-ups of Debbie Harry. Blondie was one of the few American bands that made videos in the years before MTV.

The House That God Has Forgotten Part 42: Those big pill boxes.

So today I told my new boss I was bi-polar. She did not know and it always seems like this big “Announcement”. I had an appointment with the shrink and I needed to explain why I needed the time off.

Sure you can have the argument that it is none of their business in The House That God Has Forgotten, but I guess like everything that has to do with carrying around this disease I will always need to have the “talk”.

It feels like a parent explaining about how babies are made.

“I don’t know if you know about me, but I am bipolar”

I then immediately have to explain that my medicines are working. That I am stable, and would never let my “illness” effect the inner workings of how The House That God Has Forgotten work.

“Everyone knows, even the boss of the jail”

I mean I am a good little worker, right?

“Verksamheten kommer först” I say.

It is my way of saying that if I feel like I am going to flip out that I will tell someone.

I give them permission to ask me if they see something is wrong because maybe I do not see it myself.

I give them the joke: “My doctor says I am more sane than anyone else because I take so many mood stabilisers”

And of course I told her that I am open with it to break stereotypes of people with mental illness.

That no, not all people with my illness are what you see on television or the movies.

They feel that we are bonding and thank me for being so honest, and how they appreciate it.

It feels like a relief because I do not have to explain myself. I told her I like everyone I work with, but sometimes it can be misinterpreted. That people think I am standoffish or something when it actually something that is in my head not working.

“It usually is not them that is the problem, it is me.”

That I may have appointments for doctors, psychologists, KBT therapists, but that rarely happens. I only see my doctor less than 4 times a year. That sometimes (rarely) I might ask for vacation to get myself back on track (ok that happened like 2 years ago, but that is another story and another breakdown that is unimportant here to read about).

Then conversation over.

I did that little fingers pointing to my eyes and then to hers. Oh the empowerment of being the one that gets to do that sometimes.

My point of this blog post is simple really. I know that there are people out there in The House That God Has Forgotten that have mental illness.

I just wonder why it is so taboo.

Why people do not talk about that they are depressed? It is totally normal.

Why people do not take anti-depressants. That is quite common in todays world.

Why people do not talk about how they used to cut themselves?

Why do people not talk about how they cannot sleep at night because they have nightmares and wake up in a pool of sweat in the middle of the night?

Chain blankets, tiny pills to go to sleep and medicine to cope with the day.

I may have one of those big huge pill holders that prisoners and old people have, but some of you out there are taking something in the morning before you go to work, or at night before you go to bed.

How come I never hear about this? Is it something to be ashamed of?

Look at the world we live in at The House That God Has Forgotten… it is miserable. It is a world of cardboard food holders and batons and pepper spray.

A place where you get paid to watch people cry, or listen to them complain.

It makes you cynical.

I had a colleague say something funny the other day.

“If I am at home, and I break my TV…does a better one fly down from the sky and replace it?”

This is the life at The House That God Has Forgotten.

A world of non logical explanations that are not taken from the real world we live in.

To me I find it hard to believe that I am the ONLY one that is open about being mentally ill.

No one takes this job because they are sane. And no one absolutely does not take it for the pay check.

All rambling aside. I will keep this post short and simple for today. Nothing brilliant or funny, no real deep thoughts or anything to sink your teeth into.

There has not been a lot of news going on, no inspiration.

I never get any tips from you so this is your fault. I can ask you a million times over to tell me what you think I should write about. Sent me a mail (calandraonline@gmail.com) or text me on messenger. I am not going to say your name so relax about it.

Let’s just try a little harder to spread awareness about mental illness if you get anything from this post. It is ok. And the more people that are open about it, the more we understand each other.

I could name off a ton of facts about my illness (that many politicians, actors and writers have had it or do have it). That they call it the genius disease because so many outside the box people have it.

I would not be half the writer I am without it. (You should see how well I write when I am manic…it almost makes me want to stop taking my medicines)

Don’t worry I won’t.

And you shouldn’t either.

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