[man-ee-ter]: The song spent four weeks at #1 in America, making it the biggest US hit of the ’80s to feature a sax solo.
The House That God Has Forgotten part 50: When the shit hits the fan.
Part 50. So typical it has to be about this at The House That God Has Forgotten, but so it is…so it is.
So I have been thinking about this nonstop for the past day. It plagues me before I go to bed at night, and is this first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning.
“Rätt ska vara rätt” (Right should be right) is a phrase that is used often in the Swedish vernacular. It to me means integrity, honesty and the ability to stand up and say “Hey…I am human I made a mistake.”
When you pay for being honest it is another thing. it hurts and above all, it makes you sad and feel like you are on an island of your own all by yourself.
When I wake up in the morning lately I have this hope that my throat is sore (from sleeping with my mouth open) and that I am sick for real and cannot come into work that day. This hope I have every morning lately when I have to get up and go to work at The House That God Has Forgotten.
Little known fact. Every morning like clockwork I have to struggle to brush my teeth because I get a panic attack before I go to work and start dry heaving out of stress to have to be there in the morning. It never happens on the days I am off, or at night before I go to bed.
I shake while I write this. Hands flurrying around the keyboard because I do not know what to feel, or how to formulate what I should say.
There are few things that make me want to go to work in the morning at The House That God Has Forgotten, and the one thing that is that, has sadly been taken away from me. I my friends am under investigation.
This isn’t the first time I have been suspended from my normal work duties. It probably won’t be my last. It makes me wonder often “Am I good at my job?” I feel like I am. I try, I am not lazy, and with all the things I have to deal with (running all over town when I have my daughter, being bipolar, etc.) I think I hold it all together pretty well.
I show up to work on time. I respect my colleagues. I work hard and do my best at everything I do.
When I got called into my bosses room I had no idea what it could be about. Could it be about this blog? Could it be about something else?
“Don’t worry! It’s nothing to be worried about!” they said to me.
Boy were they wrong.
I got told I have made too many mistakes. Human mistakes. Things that everyone normally does at The House That God Has Forgotten. The only thing that is different is that I am being made an example of.
A cautionary tale of what not to do. That they are watching us. That the shit can hit the fan if we make mistakes.
A mistake is defined as:
“an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc. ”
We all make them. We are human beings.
We sometimes forget and give that guy the wrong food. We sometimes do things by “going through the motions” and forget something.
We are human. Not robots. Not machines. Even they make mistakes.
It is the way the world works.
So now I face an investigation. A conversation where I have to have someone beside me to take my side. And the possible thing of a “warning” or even at the worst case being sent up to a disciplinary hearing.
“Do all of these count including the ones I reported myself and the ones that are not even my fault?”
“Do all these mistakes count as one? Or are they counted one by one.”
“We are still investigating so we cannot answer that.”
So they will talk to people. They will try to uncover vague information and ask questions. I am an honest person, and that will probably be my downfall.
Who would want to work somewhere where you have a “warning” over your head? Where you know if you make one more human error that you will be punished. That you can watch your colleagues pick up the burden because you refuse to do it again in fear of reprisal.
If I get a warning. I do not think I will want to do that job again. I do not think if I get sent up to disciplinary hearing I will ever be ALLOWED to do it again.
Which will affect my pay raises, which will effect how my colleagues see me as a co worker because they will have to “cover” for me.
Let us not forget the humiliation of the whole thing.
I could have days of pay revoked. I could have many things happen to me, and apart of it is because I went under the premise that “Rätt ska vara Rätt”.
It hurts. It feels like betrayal. It feels like nothing is fair at The House That God Has Forgotten.
We get sent down directives every day. “Don’t do this” “Do this” and I think a lot of times even though they seem quite ridiculous we follow them. We check for wet towels. We send sandals to the wash and we learn to write reports.
We even write reports on ourselves when we make a mistake.
I got a point of praise when I had my hollowed conversation. “You are the only one that wrote a report on yourself out of everyone”
So the question is why am I being punished? Why am I being punished for writing a report on myself and then asking someone else to write a report on something that was not my fault?
Sure I might have made other errors, but I am human after all.
One of the good things about this is that you learn who really is on your side. Who is willing to stand up for you. I had the most amazing experience after I told a colleague from another floor what had happened.
“I am going to my boss about this. It is just not right, or fair what is happening to you.”
And I have the support of the people I work with. Will they stand up for me when it comes down to it,? Only time will tell. I hope so. I silently pray that it is so, because I need them to do it because it effects them just as much as it does me.
Silence is no support. Even from people that do not work with me on a daily basis. If it happens to me, it can just as easily happen to you.
That is a scary climate at The House That God Has Forgotten.
I wish I could work somewhere else. That I could leave this all behind and start at a new job, at a better employer and have it better.
I can’t get fired. I cannot loose pay. I cannot afford it. I have a family to support, and I have a daughter to think about and this is the only schedule that makes it easier to put all of the pieces together.
I need that 9-15 shift so I can afford to live. To be able to pick up my daughter before school closes. To be able to not wake up a 7 year old at 0530 every morning.
Maybe I should write a new CV, but where could I work? No one else would want me at the times I need them. And it is not easy to go into an interview and say “Hey… I would really love to work here, but I can only work 90% and I need to be here these times.”
So it is what it is, I just wish they would have told me on Monday so I did not ruin my weekend.
So typical of The House That God Has Forgotten.