[thu dis-tuhns]: Many of Cake’s songs deal with cars, and in this one, a race car driver is feverishly trying to win. It could be a metaphor for straining to achieve at any endeavor, perhaps the corporate world.

The House That God Has Forgotten Part 52: The showdown.

They tell me not to worry about it, but on Monday the 21st of October at 10 a.m. I will have a colleague we will have 2 bosses meeting us across the table from one another to determine my fate.

I do not feel like I am going to be suspended much longer, but I guess we will have to see. I do not trust the bosses at The House That God Has Forgotten… anything can happen. They are all puppets on a string being controlled by someone else everywhere. (I think everyone helping me will actually make a big difference).

We are controlled as well. Like soldiers in the middle of a battlefield. Except those we are fighting wear green and they have all the weapons and we have none. We get told to help them see the light, when a lot of times they just will fight us to the bitter end.

I do not think so much about what will happen to me anymore, because no matter what happens I am going to write about it here and I will have your support. I know this now. I know that words are more powerful than anything. The bring us together as one when something happens to us.

I have started looking for new jobs now. Have started writing my CV over and over again to polish it and make it look perfect. I want to add the experience I have here at The House That God Has Forgotten, but also everything I have done before.

When I look back, I never should have been here to begin with. I should have been doing something else, I should have been working at a place that suits me. Not sitting around wasting my time doing nothing that is me as a person.

I would love to tell you that I am going to be a writer, because that is my dream. But those days and those jobs are hard to come by. There is a Swedish newspaper in English here, but they take only freelance articles. What would I do? Send freelance articles and receive no pay for them? Somehow you have to eat. Somehow you have to put food on the table.

So what do I end up doing? I look for jobs in our branch. I found one that it interesting. An Alarm operator in Västberga. Closer to my daughters school. I can only hope that the schedule works with my life. That if I do get an interview I can find out what shifts I would be working and that if I could make it work.

Everyone I have talked to that has left The House That God Has Forgotten are a lot happier that they did.

So that is the discussion with my colleagues. Looking for new jobs. Everyone is looking for new jobs, or are thinking of starting to look for new jobs. I do not know where you work how it looks, but where I work it is the the reports that have killed the mood.

Everyone is tired of being called into the office to be questioned. Luckily for them, they are not being the one that has been made an example of, but still it is not fun to be called in for human error for some random report that is sometimes written about you, and sometimes not.

I am petrified of going up there again. Even if I get clean and free. The next schedule I have almost 2 shifts a week up there, and I will be under extreme pressure not to make a mistake. I will have to make a change. I will have to learn to do things the hard way, to compromise how I feel most comfortable.

One of my colleagues said to another “they bully her” and that is what has been happening to me.

You see once upon a time I got removed from an operator position. I was told that my colleagues felt that I was projecting myself in the wrong way. Not unstable, but more related to my “body language” and my personality. 2 things I cannot really change. That because I as soon as I came back I immediately started using that position, and there was no problem…that is until all of a sudden I was a “worry” if I was to take a serious alarm in an incident.

Eventually after a few months it came out that it was because I so “suddenly” moved back to guard central and that was why.

However that did not do that to anyone else that had come back after being gone for awhile.

So this is one of the many times I have been removed from something, or sent to the health provider for The Department of Corrections.

“We need proof from your doctor that you can work in the security field”

“Have your medicines changed?” has come up in more than one conversation with a boss (which breaks health care security ie. Sjukvårdssektress).

So I have been rung through the wringer. It is no wonder that after all of this mess with reports that I have had my time with The House That God Has Forgotten something I want to run away from.

Mind you, I had no problem before when I was undiagnosed and took no medicines.

So yeah they discriminate against me. I have tried to take it to unions before, all without nothing being done.

I just want to start over. This time with a blank sheet of paper. No mention of my illness and no more problems. Just a clean start. Poof.

It is not fun to be bullied at your place of work. Always having to fight a new battle. Sometimes not knowing if you are going to be called into a conversation with 2 bosses without warning (this has happened to me more than once) and sometimes with warning like now.

I often wonder to myself “why just me? Why have they decided to do this to me all the time?”

When I left the union I thought to myself “Now I am going to put my head down and stay out of trouble” but of course they do not do that. They always find a way to suck me back in.

I know they read this blog. I know they look at it to see what I am going to write about next. I never thought it would be so important for them to look at it. Perhaps they find it interesting to see what I think about what happens at The House That God Has Forgotten.

If so, thank you. I am flattered that you like to see what everyone is thing about, but no one ever says. That you have scared people into a culture of silence, and that I am the one with the big mouth that writes about it.

Thank you.

The people that are working their asses off thank you too.

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