[uhb-seshuhn]: This is about a stalker, and he seems to get more obsessed as the song progresses. At first, it appears that he has a serious crush on the girl, but he later becomes more dangerous and intent on “capturing” the girl.

The House God Has Forgotten part 82: Stressing over the little things.

Today is not a good day. I kept on having dreams about The House God Has Forgotten. 

Have you ever had those dreams where names just fly through your head and you try to go back to sleep trying to know what the dream was about and how it is going to end? 

My dreams were about the warden. Over and over trying to figure out what exactly I was dreaming about…Kind of like a nightmare, but not really. 

I have no idea what I was thinking about it. 

Lately, I have been getting the shakes. It sucks because you cannot control it and you feel like you have fucking Parkinsons. Hands bumping up and down and it is harder than hell to type. 

I had some debate about keeping this blog public. I guess I get easily rattled. It was the support of you my colleagues that keep me going. The best quote I have heard is:

“This is not North Korea!” 

Yeah…it is not North Korea. Maybe because I am American I am a bit more strong-willed. Say what I think and what I feel. I lay it on the line. 

Maybe it is because I was in the Army for 5 years and understand about standing up for freedom of speech in every country. 

Or it could even do with the fact I was an English and Journalism major at the University. Something I will always regret quitting, but maybe it would not have taken me here. 

So many things in life could have been different. Both good and bad, but if you can look back on your life and see things that make it worth it, you know that all of the things you have done lead you to the path you are at. 

I don’t think I will ever stop saying what I think. Or what I feel. 

Freedom of speech and expression are important. They are the exchange of ideas that can make a difference. 

And I appreciate every click on my site no matter who does it. 🙂 At least my voice is getting heard. 

So on to bigger and better things. 

The interview from HK. 

Everyone and I work with got a letter from the warden. It looks like we are going to be interviewed by someone to “help” our “work environment”. We see no problems with the people we work with. 

We are colleagues. In the long run, we have each other’s back. Not covering up things BUT standing up for each other! We are the only ones that understand our job. Just like you all that work in The House God Has Forgotten. 

Our big problem is the bosses. Or the fact that we never have one that stays around for more than six months. It feels a bit like they want to set their “stamp” on us and then leave. A bit like:

“Look what I have done with them now!” kind of thing. 

They say that is part of the reason they are going to take us on for the interviews, but of course, knowing the department of corrections…they have other tricks up their sleeve. 

AND of course, I am making a big deal because I am one of the LAST ones to have this intewview…so I am going to stress about it. I should go first so I do not stress about it for two weeks. 

Kind of like this whole sick thing. Waiting to Wednesday when I am like the last one to talk to about me being sick 8 times! It makes me crazy. 

I sit there and think of ways to explain why I have been sick. I have pulled my back, have had colds (because of the bacteria haven I live in), panic attack attacks where I throw up all night.

See the panic attacks are a funny thing. I never know why or when I will have them. I take so many pills that I do not feel worry unless I am stressed about it. 

I can have not a care in the world (or at least feel like it) and then out of nowhere, I am praying to the porcelain God all fucking night long. It takes me a couple of days to get back to normal again. I feel so weak, so not myself. 

Of course, if I explain this I will end up seeing someone at Previa. Something I hate. They have questioned my “stability” before. It is beyond annoying and discrimination. 

Asking someone what kind of medicines and asking to speak with your doctor to see if you are “ok” when it is none of their business. Well…do they ask you the same questions? 

Medical privacy. Just because I am open about my diagnosis doesn’t mean I should have to pay for it. 

Maybe I think too much about it, but every time I get told “I want to talk to you and we have an hour booked” by your boss means trouble in my world. I have had have too many of these “talks” to be stupid about it. 

2020 has not been the best year for me. Lot’s of bad luck when it comes to being sick. 

We made a joke this weekend that now if I am on a respirator that I still have to go to work. Sitting there in the corner of BC with my hand lying on the mouse pretending to do something. 

How my colleagues would have to have Samtrams come into the jail through the intake and wheel me up through intake to the personal elevator up to the 4th floor. 

I get that it is Swedish law and all. To see that you feel ok and that you do not hate your job…what am I supposed to say to that?

Yeah, my job is ok. It is social and I have fun. Summer workers or people that have just started make more money than I do. What is there to say? Is it normal to long to go to work after being off from work?

I don’t think we are sitting there on vacation asking ourselves: “I wonder what is going on at The House God Has Forgotten!” 

I think it is a bit like the interview from HK…the same old questions that we are always asked over and over again and we give the same answers. 

When will they understand us? We do not ask for much! And it is not US that is the PROBLEM. 

People can say to me: “Why don’t you just change jobs?” (I am sure they would love this) but the big question is “Why should I HAVE to change jobs?” 

Maybe they should make things better for us that work there? Chocolate balls and fruit that has 50 apples with it are not the solutions. There is so much more they could do for us! 

I hate the feeling that we have to be grateful for fika and fruit. BUT I keep saying it all the time, we are so easily bought because well…it is what we are used to. 

It is kind of a catch 22. Damned if you do. Damned if you don’t. 

I wish we had more support from the unions. Instead of water bottles and things for our tags we put on our wrists that they did something about the wrong things. 

The simple things that would make us happy:

Equal pay for equal work. 

Respect.

Bosses that stick around for longer than 6 months. 

Freedom to express ideas and things change. 

Bosses we see out in the corridors knowing what we go through. (fewer meetings)

Supporting unity.

Listening to us and understanding that we know the problems of our job and how to fix them. 

And the list goes on and on and on. 

So I will leave you with that to chew on today. My new “obsessions” about interviews and talks with bosses and the desire for change. Just a new day in my head. 

At The House God Has Forgotten. 

1 kap. Yttrandefriheten enligt denna grundlag

Syfte och grunder

1 §  Var och en Ă€r gentemot det allmĂ€nna tillförsĂ€krad rĂ€tt enligt denna grundlag att i ljudradio, tv och vissa liknande överföringar, offentliga uppspelningar ur en databas samt filmer, videogram, ljudupptagningar och andra tekniska upptagningar offentligen uttrycka tankar, Ă„sikter och kĂ€nslor och i övrigt lĂ€mna uppgifter i vilket Ă€mne som helst.

Yttrandefriheten enligt denna grundlag har till ÀndamÄl att sÀkra ett fritt meningsutbyte, en fri och allsidig upplysning och ett fritt konstnÀrligt skapande. I den fÄr inga andra begrÀnsningar göras Àn de som följer av denna grundlag. Lag (2018:1802).

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