[voises kar-ee]: The video was directed by D.J. Webster, and it includes some dialogue mixed with the song. In the clip, Aimee Mann’s creepy boyfriend (played by Cully Holland), derides her music career and gets rough with her. When they go to Carnegie Hall to watch the symphony, Mann can’t take it anymore and has an outburst in the middle of the theater, finally expressing her pent-up frustration. This scene was inspired by the 1956 Alfred Hitchcock movie The Man Who Knew Too Much, where Doris Day screams during a symphony to thwart a murder.
The House God Hs Forgotten part 87: I can never get away from this here.
Wednesdays are the worst days of the week.
It is when I have to say good-bye to my daughter.
Now I will miss her over Christmas and will have to wait to give her presents until a few days after. I picture her waking up with excitement looking under the tree for her presents. Donald Duck on the television at three.
Normally on Wednesdays, I am working. Doing something to take my mind of the fact that the last little hug in front of the school will be the last time I will see her for over a week.
It doesn’t matter how long it has gone by (since the day she was born considering my ex and I got divorced while she was pregnant) I still am a mess every Wednesday.
How is it being on sick leave you ask me? The only answer is that I have not had so much time to rest. I run around everywhere.
Not out of boredom, but more because there are things that need to be done. Going back and forth to school (which I do not mind because my daughter is here at the time), grocery shopping, cleaning the apartment (I have concluded that here is my big “chance” to finally make a deep cleaning) and just generally waking up too early in the morning.
I stress A LOT I have learned about myself this time I have away from work. I go around and worry about everything all the time.
To my daughter telling me she doesn’t have to go to football on Wednesday and me listening to her and worrying the whole week that my ex is going to yell at me.
From me having strange dreams at night (that have gone to nightmares, to work dreams, to other things on my mind).
To the fact that I am meeting my boss for a fika tomorrow. Which sounds oddly strange because a Kvinsp and someone in my position sitting at Waynes having a latte and discussing things while I hand over papers to my doctor seem foreign to me.
“Meet me at Burger King.” It sounds like two friends going to hang out at the shopping mall.
I wonder what we are going to talk about having a latte with social distancing.
No visors so how will we do it? Discussing private matters from afar.
I had the option of meeting up on the third floor, but I wanted to avoid The House God Has Forgotten…even though I forgot to open the cap to my water bottle when I was in such a hurry to leave.
So now I am meeting at a coffee place instead.
I talked in my sleep the other day. My wife told me the next day that I said:
“I am trying to think of what I should say to my boss…”
What am I supposed to say? My doctor is calling me on the 21st to see what is going on. I want to stay at home more. I feel like I have not taken a breath in the past two weeks.
My big plan is Friday. I am not leaving the apartment. I am going to around in my sweatpants and do nothing. Watch TV, hang out, maybe write. I don’t know.
I after that have errands to run the next week to finish off little things before Christmas. Cleaning the apartment (my mother in law is coming for Christmas dinner).
I have had time to devote myself to the kitchen. Cooking meals that take preparation before making them. Extravagant meals from India, Meatballs with beef and real Italian sausage. And later on this weekend, a dish from Morocco made with lamb.
I had these big plans to write, but I am at a lack for words. I am too busy obsessing about fikas with my boss and leaving my daughter off for ten days away from me.
I know will time go fast…that she will be back and we will have a vacation together.
What happens later? What happens when I talk to my doctor?
I would assume I will find myself back in the darkroom of The House God Has Forgotten.
Back to my schedule…back to the day to day same old same old. I don’t want to say I am unsatisfied with my job because then my loyalty would be in question when I have my pay conversation next time…but I feel like I never would have imagined myself working at The House God Has Forgotten.
No one says like a child “Hey! I want to be a prison guard when I grow up!”
It is something we all fall into like a hole. We end up where we are because of the path life takes us on.
I can look back and say “I wish I would have stayed at the university I would have been a writer or an English teacher.”
But then I would have never ended up here in Sweden.
“I wish I would have stayed in the Army.”
But I would not have ended up in Sweden, and I might even be dead.
If I would not have ended up in Sweden, I never would have had my daughter. It might even have been true if I did not end up at The House God Has Forgotten.
I am lying on this sofa here, a cup of coffee by my table next to where I am laying. Debating if I should wrap the last of my daughter’s presents. If I should plan Christmas dinner, or if I should just lie here and watch TV.
I can’t help myself to wonder what my daughter is doing right now. Her sitting at her little desk waiting for school to end in thirty minutes. Then off to her English class…
She will be learning about something special between her and me…a language.
Words jumbled up…making sentences that we both understand.
Ten days until I get to see her face smile as she opens up what she wished for more than anything…
That Nintendo Switch wrapped in my closet.
I want to do the laundry and then after a few days put her clothes neatly in a drawer so I do not see little socks in her basket.
The little sound of her voice saying “Mamma” and never stopping to take a breath as she rambles about nothing important.
This is what echos in my head and heart today…
1 kap. Yttrandefriheten enligt denna grundlag
Syfte och grunder
1 § Var och en är gentemot det allmänna tillförsäkrad rätt enligt denna grundlag att i ljudradio, tv och vissa liknande överföringar, offentliga uppspelningar ur en databas samt filmer, videogram, ljudupptagningar och andra tekniska upptagningar offentligen uttrycka tankar, åsikter och känslor och i övrigt lämna uppgifter i vilket ämne som helst.
Yttrandefriheten enligt denna grundlag har till ändamål att säkra ett fritt meningsutbyte, en fri och allsidig upplysning och ett fritt konstnärligt skapande. I den får inga andra begränsningar göras än de som följer av denna grundlag. Lag (2018:1802).